Pushing Thirty

and shedding pretentions

Trial by Fire

A friend sent me this email justifying her spur of the moment vacation to Hawaii. God bless her– this is funny stuff.

Well, I have the taxing assignment of flying all the way to the island of Maui this week. No doubt I’ll be trudging through muddy beaches, fighting off sharks, piranhas, exotic poisonous fish, snakes and weird poisonous underwater plants with pointie things that grab your feet, desperately trying to get away from the blasted sun, hoping and praying I don’t burn to the shade of a nice rosy lobster.

Not to mention all that sand in my shoes and my hair, Continue reading

June 30, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Elegy for imitation flavored creamer.

I guess I just don’t know what you want me to say;

because if you want me to tell you that everything is fine, that this is working, well–you know I can’t do that. So don’t ask me to do that.

(and look at me when I’m talking to you.)

June 24, 2008 Posted by | elegy | Leave a comment

Elegaic Pear.

Once every other ice age I enjoy a delicious pear.

It’s your fickle ripening: you have no mood between “impervious” and “brown mush.” Who would you expect to put up with such violent swings? Who?

I’m not saying it can’t work, I’m just saying we need a break. Because, frankly, pear–

I’m tired.

June 23, 2008 Posted by | foodie | Leave a comment

Fudgee Elegaic

As the fast approaches, I feel I need to say a few formal goodbyes.

I took a gamble, Fudgee.

I trusted the Nabisco name, and their alien helmet logo.

I thought anything-oreo was a recipe for ‘delicious.’

I’m used too eating way too many (classics, or double stuffed, or holiday colors) in one sitting, but you, Fudgee–

you inspire continence.


June 22, 2008 Posted by | foodie | Leave a comment

Cat Nap

Given enough time to himself, my cat sleeps in some utterly inspiring poses. I caught him in this one the other day. There are three different pictures from three different angles. He’s really flexible (I guess). Continue reading

June 21, 2008 Posted by | cat, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Lost and Found

In an out-of-the-way corner of the hall way that wraps behind the prayer room is posted a tiny set of shelves that is officially the IHOP Lost and Found. Since we have so many out of town visitors for conferences and summits on top of our 500 staff, a steady stream of detritus fills these shelves, the left-behinds of the ebbing and flowing tides of visitors.

Over the years, the general stock of lost and found items is consistent: Bibles, all shapes sizes and translations; books, all kinds, all authors; rustic looking journals; sweatshirts (it is cold year round in the prayer room); CD’s, secular and sacred; water bottles with the IHOP logo; and prayer shawls, a traditional jewish garment (non-required apparel for the prayer room, by the way). The contents are predictable enough that singers have been known to “borrow” Bibles (pick your translation) from the shelves for their two hour set if they’ve forgotten their own, and then return them two hours later. It’s as dependable as a local NKJV library.

Last night, however, as I rounded the bend, I witnessed an item on the lost and found shelves that was, well, inexplicable. See for yourself.The small plaque reads, \

June 20, 2008 Posted by | lost and found, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Fool’s Gold

It should come as no surprise that I agonized over the title of my blog. This isn’t my first blog and the first was shipwrecked more or less over issues of Title. When the enormous pressure of gathering together all of my thoughts heretofore beneath a single banner confronted me, I didn’t fare well. I went Latin, and not Latin like Ricky Martin, but Latin like Catholic Liturgy. I called it “Ipsum Audite,” a title from an obscure verse reference that I got from a book. I wanted to write about the nuances and perils of modern Christianity, and I didn’t see this as a light topic, one that could be peppered with pie recipes and sports banter. I intended to dispel with a Title any expectation of reading about my favorite latte foam or random thoughts about life distilled from the current weather I was experiencing. I would have done well instead to have borrowed a title first penned by Dante: Abandon all Hope all ye who Enter Here. (He imagined these words were posted at the gates of Hell.) Continue reading

June 17, 2008 Posted by | journal, writing | Leave a comment